Friday, March 21, 2008

"I Don't Like Him"

Silvi, Ian and I went over to a friend's house yesterday to welcome her new baby boy. While we were there I noticed her three year old studying Ian's face real intently. He then said, "I don't like him." I couldn't believe it. I just froze. He then continued to play, but returned a few moments later to repeat, "I don't like him". I felt like crying, but didn't. I instead asked, "Why?". The boy's sweet Mom said to him, "Well, I like him", Silvi chimed in and said the same thing, as did I.

Note: I've noticed that my Blog entries of-late have been kind of downers. I promise my next entry will be a lighthearted one! ;0)


Elbog said...

Kids say the darndest things, don't they? Don't overestimate the workings of the three year-old mind. He probably - no, he does have issues with the other little bundle of joy who's taken most of the attention of his parents away from him, now there's another one coming through the door! I wouldn't like it, either. 'Punk kids with their diapers and cute faces and goo-goo gah-gah, I'm doin' all this cool stuff and nobody gives a crap, anymore.'
I'd chalk it up to Ian envy, if it was me.

Terri said...

oh annie,

say what's on your heart at the moment and leave the "shoulds" with their nasty little judgments in the corner where they belong. (i'm so good at giving this advice to others and so resistant to hearing it for myself.)

it hurts when others don't see the beauty we see. but no one is in a better position than you and tom and silvi to discover and declare ian's goodness and value and dignity. i think elbog is probably right...this kid is struggling with demons that really don't have anything to do with your baby in particular. that doesn't necessarily make it any less painful because it bumps up against open sores you carry with you. at least you know that in this little space there are a bunch of people who think that ian is a darling child. and we'll all keep listening and responding even if you never write one cheery word here. bless you.

Chris said...


I have to agree with Elbog. I think that this little boy is probably not liking cute, little babies right about now. He probably feels he can't say anything about his new sibling so Ian got the brunt of his frustrations.

If he says it again, maybe you should tell him that Ian really likes him. Feed his ego a bit and see if that makes any difference in his behavior.

Hey, don't feel any pressure to be lighthearted if that isn't the way you are feeling. Just be true to yourself.

Kim Ayres said...

I've had 3 year olds say that to me too - it's entirely as elbog says

Annie's Porch said...

Elbog- Yeah, you're right. He is having a hard time with his new bro taking up all his parent's attention. Thanks for bringing that to light.

Terri- I so appreciate you accepting my heart right where it is. These have been trying days. Thanks for letting me "sit" with all of it.

Chris- That's probably true, he can't complain to his parents as easily as he could to me. That's a good idea to tell him that Ian likes him. Thanks for the affirmation to be where I'm at right now.

Kim- That helps me breathe easier knowing that the little boy is probably reacting to being jealous of his new brother and not to Ian's Ds. Thank you!

Leah said...

Annie, a 3 year old doesn't see DS. They see a baby. Heck, most adults can't pick out the features of DS on a baby. Silvi is familiar with it, do you think she could walk into a room full of babies and find the one who has DS? Most likely not. To kids, they are just babies. My own kids, who were 6, 7, 9, 10 when Angela was born, took a couple years for them to be able to pick out someone with DS. At first they would point out anyone with obvious differences and ask, "Does THAT person have DS?" What's funny is that Angela herself was able to pick out a person with DS before her big brothers could! By the time she was 3 she'd point and say, "Me! Me!" whenever she saw an adult or older child with DS. At age 9 or so she'd say, "My sister" or "My brother" when she saw someone with DS. When you asked her why she would say, "That girl has Down Sinrum like me." Now at almost 12 she will walk up to someone and say, "Hi! I'm Angela. I have Down Sinrum too!" Unfortunately, not all adults were told that they HAVE DS, and so they don't know what she's talking about. Sadly, we also run into a lot of teens who've never been told either. Angela knows she has DS, and she knows that's what sometimes people have a hard time understanding her, or why she doesn't run as well as other kids. Just like my son knows he has Tourette Syndrome, Angela knows she has DS. She's proud of the fact she has something in common with the people she meets!

Annie's Porch said...

Leah- That is really sweet that Angela called others with Ds her sisters and brothers. Thanks for your advice. I appreciate you stopping by.

Anonymous said...

Hi Annie! Just wanted you to know I was listening in.:>