Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Changes

It's very interesting how things have changed for me in terms of my outlook on Ian's future life. Before Ian was born my dreams for him were that he go to school and someday find a cure for cancer and end world hunger (ok so I'm exaggerating). Now, knowing that Ian has Ds my dreams for him have changed. Now I'm just hoping he can walk, talk and most of all be present/aware of me, my family and others, as well as be able to interact with us. My friend Donna, who also has a boy with Ds, loaned me a book called "You Will Dream New Dreams". The book talks about just what I wrote about. In having a child with Ds your outlook on life changes a whole lot, as does the outlook of your child's (and your own) future. While it is very hard to adjust your expectations the love of your treasured little one and his/her love for you helps you through.

6 comments:

Chris said...

Annie, I have been thinking a lot about this point of dreaming new dreams. I think for a lot of people, when they first learn of the diagnosis, they are hit by the fact that their child will not be able to cure cancer, bring peace to the Mideast etc. They need to let go of that idealized child. Quickly, we learn that those things that we put value on really aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things. Instead, we come to appreciate the human connection. We start to worry about the basics--like walking, talking, interacting. Things we took for granted before. It is when those things appear to be in jeopardy that the grief can hit you the hardest. You have this intense love for a child with so much going against him, and all you want is to know that you can still dream the simple dreams. Things like having your child ask to read him a book or to go for a walk hand in hand. But oh when that moment comes, think what a glorious moment it will be.

Monica said...

I love that title "you will dream new dreams" I think the most important thing is to just keep dreaming! Ian is a very lucky little guy to have you for a mommy :)

Terri said...

idealized children...we all have those to some extent, don't we? sometimes i think the whole task of parenting is to really notice this unique person in front of you in ways that will allow you to let go of your own agenda. that's some hard stuff.

Kim Ayres said...

One thing you can guarantee with any child is they will not dream your dreams. Look at any child who grew up to perform as their parents wanted and you find a miserable person.

So in the end, what we need to do as parents is help our children discover their own dreams and give them the support they need to help achieve them.

DS or no DS.

Annie's Porch said...

Chris- Yes, I have noticed myself changing perspectives on things. The things that used to seem very important don't so much anymore. I am pleased with that. Having a baby with Ds helps "you" see what's really important in life. I like how you wrote that human connection becomes one of the most important things. It's very true. I desperately want to connect with Ian, if he isn't able to walk, talk...if I can only connect with him that's what matters to me in our relationship.

Monica- Thank you for your sweet words.

Annie's Porch said...

Terri- You're right. We all have agendas for our kids and letting go of those is hard to do, but good! So glad you are feeling better!

Kim-Good point, people who follow their parent's dreams are mostly miserable people! Beautifully put, Kim, "help our children discover their own dreams and give them the support they need to help achieve them." Lovely! Thank you.